So You Picked The Same Partner AGAIN!
The adage ‘History Repeats Itself’ is confirmed by simply reading what has gone before us in the writings of mankind’s history. Another adage is the definition of insanity, ‘Repeating the same behavior expecting different results’. Both can be applicable when choosing mates. In youth, most of us take a ride on the partnership carousel. We ride for a time. We get off sometimes by our choice, sometimes by the choice of the other. Each time altered. Youth enjoys that luxury and quickly recovers.
As we progress, whether it is a few or many joinings,, the question has to be ‘why’. Outwardly the chosen partners may not have any similarities whatsoever. More than likely there will be visual, physical, intellectual, and even gender differences. However, if you look closely you will discover the thread of similarity. What we don’t see is our ‘personal pattern’. Whether we chose or were chosen doesn’t matter, we went along. Regardless, if a short or long term union the result is still the same: the break-up.
Where did it go wrong? Where can I put the blame? It was not my fault! This time I did everything right! What we don’t see is there is no right or wrong, often no real blame, no fault, not this time. If there is fault to learn from, it is the fault of not knowing what in our makeup draws us to choosing the same partner over and over again and not anticipating the same outcome. The answer to the dilemma is not ‘them’ ,it is us. We don’t see our pattern of selection, the repeat of history, the definition of insanity. Now I am not saying we are insane, just maybe a little less knowledgeable of our true self.
I get fighting for a relationship, just not metaphorically killing ones ‘self for a relationship. If I am to come out whole and not repeat the same behavior, I must take on a new relationship. I must court, enjoy, and foremost be honest with the person and then make a long term commitment. That person is in my life right now. It’s me.
So for any that are in this space, don’t waste your time trying to understand. Instead, get to know your best friend who has been with you from the beginning and will be with you at the end! She will never abandon you so don’t abandon her.
And for goodness sake pick her a better partner; she is dizzy and sick of this carousel!
There is the possibility that, given the repeated ‘mistakes,’ one needs to look inside themselves and change themself before finding fault with the other person. We, ourselves, are sometimes the only link in this pattern. In other words, there lies the potential that the ‘problem’ is with us and not ‘them.’
Thank you Kat, I pretty much feel the same….have a wonderful and safe holiday…
I agree, and Alanon is a great program. It deals with familes of alchohol, rage, sexual abuse, work addiction, and the list goes on.
I second that about Alanon. It helps me with ALL of my relationships.
That is a great lesson I will try to learn as well,thanks for sharing…
Thank you. It means a lot coming from you.