First off, let me qualify this blog as something that you should not try at home. Making a lesbian fruitcake should be left to the professional lesbians. And eating lesbian fruitcake can most certainly be hazardous to your health. Let’s face it, we have all indulged at one time or another, if we have met more than two lesbians in our life and tried to live with either of them.
Ingredients Required
two or more lesbians, an opportunity to talk, grain alcohol (marijuana can be substituted here)
- Step One – Mix two lesbians together and add a tablespoon of stress. You can substitute jealousy or a holiday event for stress and get the same results. Or you can add a teaspoon of neurosis for an added kick.
- Next mix in four or five shots of alcohol, the more the better
- Then stir
- Bake at 350 for two hours while stirring the alcohol occasionally for complete saturation
- Then take the lesbian fruitcake out of the oven. The best way to test to see if it is done is to taste it.
- If the fruitcake tastes bitter one minute, then sweet the next, completely confusing the taster, then you have mastered the lesbian fruitcake. Unpredicability with each bite is the distinguishing characteristic of the lesbian fruitcake.
- Allow the fruitcake to cool before eating. It is very easy to get burned otherwise. Even after the fruitcake cools, there is a chance the ingredients will sour quickly, leaving nothing but a huge mess to clean up.
Lesbian fruitcakes are abundant during the holiday season and are also quite easy to bake any time of the year. The ingredients are also readily available too if you shop in metropolitan areas.
Carpe a lesbian fruitcake….tis the season!
Warning: Lesbian fruitcakes make terrible gifts. They are typically chewy and tough when overcooked and syrupy sweet when undercooked.
