There have been many occasions when I have learned indirectly about the way ”heteros” think about lesbians. Most of the time, the assumptions are incorrect. But on occasion, they are “spot on.” I know what you’re thinking. Who cares? If I were well-adjusted and confident, I probably would not care one bit. But the truth of the matter is that at times I do care, since I am the poster child for so many of my straight friends as they try to understand lesbians. Can you say bug and microscope?
When asked if I am the girl or boy once, I answered, “we’re both girls, that’s what makes us lesbians.” I’m quite sure that my tone at the time was disgusted. I have to wonder why questions like that irritate me so much.
Another assumption that makes me a bit crazy is the belief that some “heteros” wrongly assume that lesbians are “manhaters.” Granted, I have met some lesbians that fit this stereotype, but very few. I find it interesting that simply because a woman chooses not to sleep with men, she is labeled a “manhater.”
There are many other assumptions that I learned over the years, usually by surprise. I have spent an inordinate amount of time with my mouth wide open in disbelief over the years, when friends or acquaitances shared some truly strange “insights” with me as their way of trying to connect. For instance, I learned on more than one occasion that some straight people believe that lesbians are wildly promiscuous girls up for threesomes, orgies and all other sexual adventures since we have taken that big step and changed teams. Of course those “heteros” are probably still laboring under the delusion that “homos” chose the lifestyle. That idea still cracks me up, but I know many people still believe that.
We are all unofficial spokespeople for lesbians. It is a huge responsibility that I would prefer to pass on to someone else. But it is unlikely that I will escape it until society as a whole recognizes these misconceptions and starts understanding that lesbians are very much like their sisters and mothers, and not nearly as wild and unusual as they might believe.
Carpe the opportunity to educate the “heteros!”
There is just as much and just as little variation among the lesbian population as in the non-lesbian population. Until, all mainstreaming lesbians go around wearing signs proclaiming our “lesbianhood,” the public uneducated will continue to attribute silly stereotypes to us and our brethren. Hopefully, my fellow lesbian etymologists will forgive my use of the word “brethren.”
I am sure you are right. It will take time, decades probably.