Credit: I stole this idea from a friend of mine (you know who you are) based on a story she told me, thanks for the inspiration.
If you have only heard of fatal attractions, and have never experienced one, then you are a lucky lesbian. I have wandered down that deadly path a time or two. Most relationships that lasted for more than three or four months had merit in my mind, even if they eventually ended. How I ended up in those short-term disastrous situations is still somewhat of a mystery to me. I have a few theories, but cannot say for sure what brings two people together who are destined to bring havoc into each other’s lives. Can you say reformed adrenaline junkie? Usually the sex was great or there was something equally provocative that landed me in her arms. I have to admit that when I was young, my priorities were a bit skewed.
The qualities I never associate with those fatal attraction relationships is balance, self-respect, or positive influences. And no, I am not blaming those failed train wrecks on the other woman. I am certain I was at least 50% of the problem, if not more. Some people do well with certain types of lesbians, but don’t work with others. I truly believe compatibility is key. I realize I am stating the obvious and that there are no words of true wisdom imparted here, just observations and experiences. Also the word wholesome rarely comes to mind when I consider those dark unions. But the excitement was enough at the time to get me involved.
As a newbie lesbian who came out a bit late, I believe I was intent on experiencing as much as possible to make up for lost time. I went through phases. For awhile I liked the arsty girls who considered themselves rebels. I hooked up with intellectual, artsy types. That lasted for a short while. Then I decided corporate types were more my speed. You see, I love women when they are all dressed up coming back from the office. I still have fantasies about “helping them relax after a tough day at the office.” That lasted a decade or more. I liked jocks too, as long as they didn’t lean too far towards “butch.” When I look back, I attribute my lack of experience with women, impatience for sex and an inability to see the freight train coming for many of my fatal attractions.
I recognize the signs of a fatal attraction better now, having witnessed other desperate peers in similar situations. So I have made yet another list. One of these statements alone is not a definitive indicator that you are involved in a fatal attraction. But look out, if you can say yes to several of these statements.
Signs You Might Be Involved in a Fatal Attraction
1. Your conscience is nagging you that the relationship is not healthy.
2. You keep telling yourself that you will break up with her, but you can never go through with it.
3. She embarrasses you in front of friends and family because of her bizarre behavior.
4. Deep in your heart you don’t feel as if she truly cares about you and wants the best for you.
5. Since you met her, your friends say you have changed and they are worried about you.
6. Since you got involved with her, you have been acting out of character, doing things you don’t feel good about.
7. She is abusive mentally or physically and does not consider your feelings.
8. When you are with her you are unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself.
9. You rarely laugh together or share a walk in nature.
10. Your best friend has diplomatically tried to tell you she feels concerned for you since you started dating her.
Thanks for writing this blog about emotionally and physically abusive lesbian relationships. All too often, the lesbian community tries to sweep intimate partner violence under the rug, when it shouldn’t. Additionally, thanks for including these tips or signs of a dysfunctional relationship. These tips could potentially save some woman a lot of grief and pain.
I hope you are right. Nobody deserves to be in this type of situation!