A Love Letter for the Perfect Woman in My Dreams July 10, 2010

Sweetheart:

I’ve met you before and longed for you always. You are the girl I teased in grade school who laughed at my jokes and held my hand on the playground. Your innocent, sweet smile offered a recognition and understanding that buoyed me up and erased all the problems from home. We shared jokes and talked about our dreams. When I fell off the horse at summer camp and my hand was crushed, you washed my hair for me when I couldn’t.

As a teenager, your companionship brightened my days and warmed my heart, confusing me with the first delicious taste of desire. I longed to touch your hair and hold you in my arms, to disappear in your lovely curves, melting into your body to become one. You became my inspiration and my reason for waking each morning.

Now, as I look at you, I linger in your soft and caring eyes, unable to look away. Your  laugh resides in my heart, caressing me always, a reminder of all that is tender and sweet. Your lips call to me, luscious and full, ripe with possibility. and the promise of paradise here on earth. In your hands you hold my heart, with the power to crush me or soothe me with one simple gesture.

I long to spend uncomplicated moments in time with you on a porch swing or walking in a park. I want to eat my meals with you and share all the simple pleasures that life offers up. I want to feed you, shave your legs and brush your hair, exploring every crevice of your lovely body, and to hear your breathing change in response to my touch.

I want everything for you. I want your tears to spring forth from joy, and your world filled with the love of family and friends. I want you to sing victorious from achievements accomplished, and your heart to beat strong with the  knowledge that your sentiment is returned and shared with gentle people.

I want to cradle you, rock you and sweeten your life. I want to surround you with the softest parts in me, with all the good God gifted me with. And when we’re old, I want to share my last moments with you as we relinquish our grasp on this earth, and move onto our next adventure knowing the joy of true love.

Forever,

AWordGrl

Good Lesbian Sex, Bad Lesbian Sex and No Sex April 19, 2010

     There are many of you out there who will challenge me when I say I don’t believe in bad sex. In my opinion, anytime I can convince/charm a woman into taking her clothes off and climbing into bed with me, that’s a good day!  Granted some sexcapades are more exciting than others. But rarely have I had truly bad sex. And no, I don’t count those rare ADD occasions when I could not focus on her, and was making a grocery list in my head, instead of reciting to myself all the reasons I loved her. 

     The closest I’ve come to bad lesbian sex, speaks more to my lack of technique or understanding about what she wanted in bed, than about me wishing I had not gotten involved with her. Except for one bad experience with a woman who turned out to be into S&M of the “extreme” variety, there is not a single sexual experience that I regret. The “feel good” hormones released during sex never disappoint. Can you say, a “win-win” for both parties. You have to love anything that makes you feel that good. Sex is right up there with chocolate cake.

     Granted there’s good sex, then there’s mind-altering, fireworks-exploding, unforgettable sex. For me, the mind-blowing sexual experience usually accompanies a new relationship, where the mere fact that she “wants” you is a turn-on all by itself. You wonder how you got so lucky. You hear every gasp and every moan, remembering the sounds and playing them over and over in your head the next day. You believe you have truly been blessed by the Gods as you wallow in images from the night before, how she looked in the candlelight, draped across your bed, her eyes moist and loving, her lips trembling.

     I know what you’re thinking. I promise I did not copy that last paragraph from a naughty romance novel. I really do think like that. So shoot me. This isn’t intended to be literature. It’s a blog, for goodness sakes. Get real.

     Back to the subject. Sorry for my paranoia. We all have our stuff…. Where I am heading with this discussion about lesbian sex is that the only terrible, lesbian sexual experience is the one that never happens. No sex is the reason for so many misunderstandings and a true lack of connection between women, that I blame it for everything bad that happens in most lesbian marriages. When the sex goes, you might as well pack up and move on. Unless you both have no libido whatsoever, the relationship won’t work without the sex.

     Yes. I know how this sounds, and I apologize for speaking like an authority without the psychology degree to back my findings up. But this is the stuff I notice and think about, so sue me if you disagree and confine your reading to The American Journal of Medicine if you can keep your eyes open and stay awake.

     I guess I’m not really too picky about sex, as long as I have it regularly with someone I care about. On the few occasions I have been forced to go without, I got even weirder than I am now. So you see, for me, sex is a necessity, like food and water, but even more fun.

Why the Melissa and Tammy Break-up Moves Us All April 16, 2010

     I know what you’re thinking. I’m being presumptuous again claiming to speak for all of us. So spank me. You might enjoy it.

     The reason I think we all cry a little inside when we hear of celebrity break-ups, and in particular the celebrities we follow, is because it reminds us of how human we all are, regardless of fame and fortune. And maybe, we all want to believe somebody out there has beat the system somehow, and learned to live happily ever after as we all believed we would when we were naive little girls.

     Another reason I think it hurts when we find out about a celebrity break-up is because we feel like they are our friends, after following them in their careers and with the media. I have never met Melissa, but I feel like I know her. I’ve seen her in concert three times, watched her sing hairless after her chemo at that awards show (can’t remember which one). She was fearless and vulnerable all at once. I have never been more moved by a performance of any kind.

     I also watched Tammy and Melissa be interviewed about Melissa’s fight with cancer. Tammy started crying during the interview. To my surprise at the time, I started crying too. I swear I’m not a cry baby typically, but something about the whole mortality thing gets to me when I think of how hard it is to watch the people we care about struggle for their life. It leaves you nowhere to go to hide with your feelings.

     I don’t know much about Tammy, but Melissa’s lyrics in her songs are so raw and passionate that they touch me in a way that most songs never do. Melissa is a poet first and a musician secondly in my opinion. And I’m a sucker for poetry and poets. On many road trips, it was her music that kept me awake and from drifting off the road.

     Intellectually I can accept Melissa’s mortality, but emotionally she may be as close as anyone has ever gotten to claiming me as their groupie. No, I don’t send her love letters or know her birthday by heart. And I’ve never joined her fan club. But just the same, I adore her and believe she has been a gift to me and many other lesbians, giving us a voice long before we enjoyed any acknowledgment in the world at large.

     No worries. I am sure Melissa will not be lonely for long. It’s doubtful that Tammy will be forced to eat many meals alone either. So I guess, as usual, this blog is more about me than them, as I watch from afar and indulge myself by writing this blog.

     Blah, Blah, Blah….or blog, blog, blog, perhaps.

5 Failproof, Good, and Subtle Ways to Flirt with a Lesbian March 23, 2010

     Flirting is my favorite sport. That probably explains why I need to lose ten pounds. I should be running more, and flirting less. Flirting does not typically burn a lot of calories. If you’re lucky though, what follows your best “moves” can crank your metabolism and get those “good-feeling” endorphins rushing around your body, leaving you giddy and satisfied. Even if you’re “married,” a little harmless flirting is good for the soul. It’s always good to keep in practice, so you know you’ve still got it.

Subtle and Safe Ways to Flirt with Her

1. Pay her a simple and sincere compliment without gushing. If you can’t think of a sincere compliment, then you should not be flirting with her, move on to another woman. Good Examples: Nice bike. Nice dog. Nice earrings. Bad Examples: Nice jugs. Nice legs. Nice lips.

2. Ask her a question about something she obviously cares about to get her talking about herself or her interests. Good Examples: How do you like that book? I see you have a Prius, how does it drive? Your garden is lovely, what’s your secret? Bad Examples: Your lips are beautiful, where did you get them done? How do you manage to drink so much and stay that thin? You’re a republican, but why?

3. Engage her by asking her for an easy favor that compliments her. The key is that the favor has to be a pleasurable and easy request that takes no effort at all. Good Examples: Your dog is so adorable, can I hold her? That entrée you ordered looks delicious, can I try a bite? Those roses you planted are gorgeous, would you give me some advice about how to grow them, I’ve never had any luck. Bad Examples: Your dog is so adorable, would you mind if I kept her for the weekend? That pie you brought to the book group was delicious, would you make me one? You are so good with numbers, would you do my taxes?

4. Do Something Thoughtful or Neighborly for Her without Her Asking – The important key to getting this right is that it has to seem like it was easy for you to do, so she doesn’t feel guilty about your doing it or weird because she thinks you’re hitting on her. The thought you want to leave her with is…she was so sweet to do that.  She sure is nice. Good Examples: When you make a pie/cake, make one for her too, then give it to her explaining that you had enough ingredients for two pies/cakes, so you thought you’d go ahead and make another one for her, instead of wasting the ingredients. Take her some tomatoes, fresh squash or other fresh produce from your garden or from the farmer’s market, explaining you can’t eat them all before they go bad and you thought she might enjoy them. Bad Examples: Pick up a dozen roses for her. Wash and wax her car, spending hours and making a big fuss about it. Paint her house.

5. Reinforce the fact that you remember things she’s mentioned and remember what she likes or cares about, by responding in kind. The key to doing this correctly is to make it a nice, simple gesture. Good Examples: Pass along an article related to something you know she cares about. Mention an upcoming TV show that you hear about related to something she is interested in. If you can sincerely do this, express an interest in something she cares about and ask her for advice about how to get more info or how to get involved, etc…. Bad Examples: Spam her daily with articles/info about something she cares about. Buy her an expensive gift that you know she has longed for. Memorize everything you can about her area of interest, then ask her to coffee and try to impress her with all you know by talking non-stop about the subject.

“I Just Wanna Be Friends” and Other Lesbian White Lies March 22, 2010

     Don’t shoot me over the title of this article! I know sometimes a lesbian pays a lot of sincere attention to you in the name of friendship, with no ulterior motives. I also know the other side of the story, about lesbos who say they want to be friends, then a few days, hours, or even minutes later, you end up having to push her away, as she comes in for a surprise kiss on the mouth. Not all surprises are good, are they? Yikes! But then, some sneak attacks are mind-blowing, with a capital M and a capital B. Yummy!

     Believe me, I am no goody, goody sitting in judgment. Shenanigans is my middle name, but I had it changed for obvious reasons. My point is, that lesbians seem unique in their receptivity to lovers and friends, with them being interchangeable and often appearing, disappearing, and reappearing like weird, horny rabbits in a magician’s act. You know what I mean, right?

     We have ex’s we break up with, then sleep with again. There are best friends we have sex with, then reject, as only friends. There are friends who are romantically involved, who we pray will break up with their girlfriends, so we can jump their bones. Even in business we can’t seem to follow that time- tested, albeit, crude golden rule…”don’t sh _ t where you eat.” We often meet business associates we suspect are lesbos, that we lust for, but are afraid to confront. Sometimes we follow our head and keep our distance, and other times, we follow our heart, risking our livelihood.  Add about fifty other strange scenarios to this twisted list, and you might have covered about half the pairings that lesbians conjure up in their imagination. Chaucer would be proud. If you don’t know him, then look him up under Canterbury Tales, and you’ll see what I mean. Who says literature can’t be fun, with those English people preoccupied with the pleasures of the flesh, jumping in and out of the sack with anybody, anywhere, anytime.

     I actually decided to count the times a so-called friend has made a pass at me, one who declared her friendship loudly, claiming no other romantic interest at the time. Over two decades of being “out,” I have had eight, “friendly” lesbian friends come on to me, who had no supposed romantic intentions towards me. Please don’t ask me how many times I’ve done the same thing in reverse. I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about, and yes I resent your inference. HA! Like I said earlier, shenanigans, my middle name, need I say more?

     In the interest of defending lesbians and their lack of willpower as it relates to friends and lovers, I will state my case simply and succinctly, for a change, by saying, SO WHAT? How can I fault anyone for going for what they want, as long as they don’t leave too many victims in their path. If you have the guts or bravado to stake your claim and put yourself out there in the name of love, I say go for it! That doesn’t mean I justify making a play for your best friend’s girlfriend or a straight woman with eight kids and a loving husband. Don’t get me wrong. Even I draw the line in the sand where kids and good marriages are at stake.

     I wish I could end this blog on an original note, but the truth is, a golden oldie says it best when they suggest that, all is fair in love and war. I guess I have to agree.

Alert the Media – Lesbians Lie on Dating Questionnaire March 19, 2010

     Yesterday I received an angry email from a lesbo who was upset with me because the matchmaker service sent her a profile she wasn’t happy with. She claimed the girl was heavy, according to the picture she sent out, and that she had indicated she wanted a slim girl. No worries if you’re reading this, as it isn’t you I’m talking about. I promise. Everybody asks for photos. And there are well over one hundred women involved in the matchmaker service now.

     Worried about a possible glitch in my system, I checked the questionnaire completed by her match  to see what might have happened. The lesbo in question reported that she was less than ten pounds overweight on the questionnaire, which I assume would not bother many people, even the athletes in the group who actually know their body mass index number by heart. 

     Evidently from the photo, the lesbo in question looked larger than ten pounds overweight to her match, the one I’ll call the irrational complainer for simplicity sake, and to protect the innocent. Maybe it’s true that photos add ten pounds, in which case, even if the participant in question is telling the truth, she may look larger in the photo, say twenty pounds overweight, if you add the ten pounds she admitted to on the questionnaire, and then another ten pounds blamed on the photography medium.

     I wrote the angry lesbian back and explained that the only guide I could use when matching people up, was the form filled out. Short of weighing participants in like a Weight Watchers group, there is no way to defend the system from people who are less than truthful, or maybe blissfully ignorant. If you ask ten lesbos how they view their weight, you’d probably be surprised by their answers. If you were to ask me if I were ten pounds overweight, I’d probably answer a big NO. But my best friend who runs marathons and works out 20 hours a week would probably say I could lose twenty pounds. Can you say Subjective.

     Personally, I am 5’7″ inches tall and weigh in at 148 on a good day, and 157 or so if you check on me in early January after the holidays. It takes me a month to recover from all the decadent holiday desserts I love. Don’t say I never told you a secret.

     Compared to a triathlete, I am probably fat. If you look up my weight on doctor’s charts, I’m considered healthy at 148. If you asked a 200 lb. woman, she’d say I’m skinny. So, the problem is obvious, if you think about it.

     I hate to be the one to tell you if you haven’t already figured it out, but women can be deceitful when dating. They lie about their age, their weight, and some of their dirty little habits, like smoking or heavy drinking. I have received over 100 questionnaires in the past three months and guess what, there is not a single heavy drinker in the bunch, if everyone answered truthfully. What are the odds? In case it’s early and you’re a little slow or preoccupied. That last remark was sarcastic.

     So wake up and smell the coffee already. This is a FREE service designed to help lesbos meet women with similar interests and priorities. The system is not fool-proof. And did I mention that it’s FREE. Yes, FREE, as in you spend no money, and I work like a dog for you. Maybe I’m a sucker, or maybe I’m trying to give back. Whatever. It’s still a good deal, no matter how you look at it.

     I know I’m being defensive, but I work for FREE, so I have a right. The complainer seemed more intent on bitching about a photo and totally ignored the MANY shared interests (I won’t say the number to protect the innocent), and common life priorities they shared. I felt like maybe I should require her ID to make sure I wasn’t dealing with a heterosexual man who only cared about her body. Maybe, what I should require for participation on the site is some proof that you aren’t a plastic, superficial person with more interest in the size of a woman’s ass than her heart. If anyone has any ideas about how I can screen out such women, please send me a comment, as I am open to your suggestions. Can you say MEAN? I know. I have my moments. I just expect more from lesbos, I guess.

     If matchmaker participants lie on the questionnaire, either intentionally or unintentionally, I can’t help it. That’s life in the big city, so buck up and don’t be such a baby. People lie to themselves, the IRS, and to each other. Why do we expect them to be perfectly truthful on an anonymous form? Hello? If you call yourself “sexy lady” and send a questionnaire into cyber space to find a date, with nothing but an email to be traced, do you expect you’ll be caught in a little white lie.

     Women rationalize such things. It’s not a complete lie to their way of thinking. I weighed 130 lbs my senior year in high school and that’s the last time I weighed. Or, does a bottle of wine per night mean I’m a heavy drinker? No way. They drink more than that in France by noon. Plus, wine doesn’t count, since it’s not hard liquor. Enough said. We all rationalize things to ourself so we won’t jump off bridges or take entire bottles of sleeping pills.

     About a year ago when I left my partner of eight years, I got on two popular dating sites. First, before I could even complain about the service, I had to cough up good money to join. Then I surfed hundreds of photos of “supposed” single lesbians, only to find out that half of them were inactive. To this day, my partner still gets emails from our old dating site, even though she’s been inactive for a year. (or that’s what I want to believe…wink)

     To say I was frustrated by the lack of sensitivity and response from the other dating services would be a huge understatement. I’d spend hours surfing the site, selecting women with similar interests, then writing them a witty, well thought out email, only to have very few of them answer. I know, maybe it’s me. But, I’m just saying. My single friends had similar, bad experiences. Even if you consider how obnoxious I am and factor me out of the equation as unattractive and terribly flawed at best, the system was not perfect for my nice and gorgeous, single friends, either.

     All I could assume by the lack of response I received at the time, is that, one of two things happened.  Either they did not receive my email, or they were too rude to answer me, even to reject me. Did I give up? NO. I met my girlfriend on one of those sites. Was I frustrated from the lack of response I received from the “so-called” active females posted on the site? That’s a big YES! Was I shocked how different they seemed in person after chatting with them online or comparing them to their photo? You better believe it!

     When I started LesbianWinkMatchmaker.com, my intention was to create a site run by lesbians, for lesbians, where common courtesy ruled, where the dating pool was active, or as active as possible with constant attention to deleting inconsiderate or inactive participants out of the mix. By eliminating photos, I hoped to bypass the meat-market aspect of  dating services, realizing that photos lie and that at the very least, common interests and shared life priorities are still the cornerstone of a good relationship.

     Anyone who believes they’ll do better in a dark bar, or being fixed up by friends, should skip using my service, or at the very least, take a math class and study probability, in particular. In that dark bar, after a few drinks, you can see who you’re getting physically, right? No worries about her misrepresenting her weight. Seeing is believing, right? It reminds me of that bar joke about how all the ugly women go home by midnight. Wink. If you don’t get the joke, I’m not going to be the one to explain it to you.

     We all know that in a noisy bar, you really get to know each other on a spiritual level. And we’ll all agree that over drinks, after nine months without sex, we’d never, ever, misrepresent ourself for the sake of sex. NOT! In my darker, lonelier, hours, after months of sleeping alone, I’d probably have agreed to parachute from a plane or wrestle alligators if I thought it would land her in my bed. No, I’m not proud to admit this. But, don’t kid yourself. Desperation is a strong motivator.

     With this introduction service being free and as personalized and careful about lesbos tender feelings as is humanly possible, I’m filing this blog in the “You can’t please all of the people all of the time,” category. Good luck out there today. I do HOPE you find true love. We all deserve it. Even the complainers.

     I’ll stop bitching now and go take my medication. WINK!

Living Life as a Lesbian Romantic March 16, 2010

     I am a terrible judge of women, and in particular lesbians. They always surprise me. I am often left with my mouth wide open, in shock, when she ends up being SO different than expected. Those late night, forever promises whispered in the dark, about eternal love and future bliss, often die a violent death, bludgeoned by hateful remarks and looks of disdain once the reality of the day to day reigns supreme.

     The weird thing is I have no trouble attracting women. I’m not bragging. I just know a lot of single women and where they hang out. They can sense how much I love them, and that works for me. I am a true romantic, which makes me great at courtship and terrible at living through the tedium of most women’s idea of what life should be. My problem is that I want to create my life as a romantic adventure. What can I say; I am a writer, with a vivid imagination. When I’m told I’m being unrealistic, expecting a life that only exists in fairy tales, I lose interest in her. Maybe it’s the scorn in her eyes that dissuades me, or maybe it’s her reluctance to live the life I have planned for myself.

     Or worse, if her personality changes dramatically after we live together, her sweet smile replaced with a scowl, it makes me feel as if I am living in a parallel universe, where familiar faces from the past haunt me, endearing and sweet one minute, than angry and hurtful the next. I am too sensitive, I am told, as she hisses my name, disappointed about one thing or another.  All at once, I am left wondering, too sensitive for what?  How tough should I be? Sensitive gets the girl. Tough evidently keeps her. I don’t want to fight. Why should I? I don’t want to be tough, or have the need to be tough.

     I’m starting to believe that the only way to keep the romance alive is to never live together.  Once that ownership mindset influences your beloved’s expectations, then the power struggle begins. Your relationship becomes a regular chess game, each of you moving around the board, strategically trying to keep the best pieces of yourself from being surrendered and forever lost.

     I know what you’re thinking. In that last paragraph I sound more like the ultimate cynic than a hopeless romantic.  Being true polar opposites, a cynic when necessary and a romantic on most days, maybe the only way a romantic can survive is to truly understand what’s at stake. And to reduce the essence of life to what most women expect, forces me to drop my standards so low, that my inner cynic’s voice comes to my rescue to remind me of who I am.

     Long live the romantic! Long live the romance of life!

The Push and Pull of Lesbian Relationships March 11, 2010

     Why is it that we are always pushing or pulling in relationships, forever jockeying for position? Is every connection with another human being always about a power play? Can two people ever really commit to being equal parties, both equally responsible and present in the partnership?

     Enough questions, you must be thinking. Tell me something meaningful or shut up, already. Okay. I’ll tell you what my experience tells me.

     Every relationship is defined by implied roles that all parties agree to, either consciously or subconsciously. We all expect something out of every relationship we get involved in, whether it is a friendship, business liaison, or something more intimate. In the beginning, as we try to establish the rules of the relationship, we pursue the other person, hungry for approval and some sign of interest from them. It is no surprise that every human being on the planet has to chase down what they want in life, making themselves vulnerable in order to communicate their interest to the other party. Essentially, you are trying to pull them to you.

     Two lesbos intent on engaging in the tango of romance, most certainly engage in a type of push and pull as they establish the boundaries of the relationship and fight for just the right dose of support and distance, ultimately wanting the best of both the single and married worlds. This ongoing dynamic explains the push and pull we all experience as we try and live together in harmony, while maintaining a certain desired degree of independence.  Whenever I feel stifled or hurt, I am quick to push them away to distance myself from the offender. By the same token, whenever my girlfriend pulls away from me, I find myself catering to her more, and trying to “make nice,” always anxious about something I may have said or done to alienate her.

     The push and pull of any relationship can become exhausting unless the two of you quickly work out the rules of play, so that you can relax some and stop posturing twenty-four hours a day. If you’re lucky, you and your beloved will eventually fall into a rhythm that suits you both, where you’ll enjoy the support you need from a loving a partner, without losing the independence you need to feel like you are your own person. Problems arise, when you or your partner are not secure enough to let the other one have the needed space to follow their dreams and enjoy the things they value in life.

     We all need time alone. How much time we need depends on the person. Giving each other space can cure a lot of problems. It’s no surprise that most of us appreciate our true love that much more after we’re away from her for a few days. Perspective is everything. How you feel about her when you’re apart for a few  days, says a lot about how important she is to you, and whether she is worth all the fuss.

Beware the Lesbian Tease and Being Punked March 2, 2010

     One day when you least expect it, and you’ve let your guard down, a woman will get involved with you under the guise of friendship, and your life will become complicated and confusing. This is not always a bad thing, but it can be. Remember, if you’re feeling uneasy about her, there’s probably a basis for your anxiety.

     There are several variations on the “lesbian tease” theme. Some women are straight women who enjoy the ego boost afforded them by a lesbian or two at their disposal, on call at all times. This type of tease realizes that you never know when you’ll need help with projects around the house or a last-minute companion to attend some function or party. She assumes that lesbians can be led around by their nose, once they’re hooked.  I know how this woman thinks, because I am embarrassed to admit that this has happened to me a couple of times in my life, before I came to my senses.

     An added benefit for the straight girl hanging out with a lesbian girlfriend is that hubby rarely blinks, as he believes there’s no way his beloved wife would be interested in a lesbo, since they don’t have the right equipment to be a true romantic threat. Men can be so clueless sometimes. Hello!

     Completely aware of her husband’s mindset, the hetero “lesbian tease” knows that her husband’s arrogance keeps him blissfully blind and non- threatened. She is keenly aware of the dynamics of the threesome and works them to her advantage, while basking in the glow of her lady love’s attention, and being legitimized by her husband’s or boyfriend’s presence.

     The second type of “lesbian tease” is the lesbian who sits a little too close, touches your arm frequently and bats those eyelashes in your direction with relative ease and confidence. Hair twirling and eating fruit slowly with purpose, also works to lure many unsuspecting lesbos into their game.

     I know I should resist, but the tango of emotions is so intoxicating, that I find myself lured in, justifying my passive participation as harmless, as long as I keep my hands to myself. A true tease  who has mastered her art is more about the seduction and less about any true relationship. She wants to know you want her, but has little interest in following through. You should be able to tell the difference between a woman sho is truly interested in a romantic relationship and one who wants to flirt, with no sincere desire to consummate the union.

     For fun, you can test her if you’re unattached. A sloppy wet kiss will tell the tale. If she darts away in a hasty retreat after that kiss, she’s just playing with you. If she lingers in the kiss, looking into your eyes and pulling you close, then she’s interested in a fling at least, and possibly more. As long as you know what her agenda is, then you’re safe to decide how to proceed, given your situation.

     Being vulnerable to the charms of women is the lesbian state. What can you say? Distance really helps in situations like the above. If you feel like you’re being played, you probably are. Then all you have to decide for yourself is whether the play is fun and harmless, or whether it is detrimental to your well-being in some way. Good luck as you try to decide for yourself. Just remember that being teased is not a spectator sport. You can’t blame her when you keep showing back up.

Leash Your Lesbian, If You Dare February 25, 2010

     To say I don’t like living on a short leash is an understatement. Maybe the word indignant describes the way I feel about someone or something tied around my neck to restrain me. I gave up on Corporate America because of my last irrational boss in 2006, and I will always give up on any woman who tries to control me like she owns me.

     The simple fact of the matter is that I am uncontrollable for the most part. I’m not bragging, as this stubborn aspect to my personality has caused me much heartache. Maybe we all want the safety of the box at times, so we aren’t constantly on guard and trying to figure out how to get out. Can you say, exhausting. Maybe the trick to keeping someone like me in line is to make the box so damned attractive and flexible, that I never really know I’m residing inside it.

     I see lesbians on leashes. They seem happy, knowing exactly how far they can go. They smile knowing that their owner/wife/girlfriend is holding on to them to keep them from running amuck, to keep them safe. Many of these lesbians appear to be at peace. God bless them. I envy them their bliss. If I could, I would go in for some rewiring for my own good. But then, I’m not an appliance and I am philosophically opposed to taking drugs that strong.

     When I first came out of the closet in upstate New York, one of the first things that happened to me could have been prevented, had the “other” lesbo been on a shorter leash. I was out in the “young” lesbo bar located in Albany, New York, in my twenties, giddy over the girl sitting next to me. She flirted shamelessly and ended up with her arm thrown around my neck after a couple of drinks, kissing me. We had met only an hour earlier. Don’t say it. I was young and thought the word whore was a compliment, as clear evidence of my irresistability.

     At the time, I assumed the girl kissing me was single. She was there alone, smooching on me, telling me everything a girl longs to hear. Then the next thing I knew, a woman I had never seen before, comes up to me yelling, and throws a punch at me. Imagine my shock. For one, I didn’t know girls were allowed to hit. And secondly, I didn’t understand why she was trying to hit me. My paradise of a few moments earlier was crumbling. Yikes!

     As the other girls at the bar pulled this wild lesbo off me, the ugly truth became apparent. The woman I was in a liplock with evidently was two- timing her girlfriend with me. I was an innocent at the time, but Ellie, her girlfriend was intent on bringing me up to speed. I can still see the venom in her eyes and hear the curse words in my head. That was the first time I had ever even heard anyone say the “C” word out loud. My mother would have fainted. I almost did myself.

     Maybe in this one case, Lori, the girl I had liked, would have benefitted from being on a shorter leash. But the truth is, if you have to leash your lesbian, then it’s time to rethink the type of partner she is. If she’s prone to wandering off, no leash will hold her in place. Of course, it is only human nature to try to hold on to what you think is yours. But maybe, that’s where the error in the thinking starts.

     It is really quite freeing to realize that you have little control over another person, and that she will stay as long as she WANTS to, and not a minute more. Putting a leash around her neck will probably only serve to make her resist the restraints, that she may actually appreciate without the evidence of the leash to remind her that she’s tied down. But what do I know. The mystery is always in the metaphor.